you are special

I have many things to write about:

-my incredible week in Colorado at song school and the folks fest (hanging with my heroes, getting up the main stage to be part of Peter Himmelman's back up band, having my brother, paul, and summer there, hearing amazing music-new music, watch a meteor shower with friends, feeling insecure and secure all the time, trying to rid myself of a comparing mind, being in awe of those around me, finding some new parts of me to love etc...)

-Our wonderful family reunion in WY. So great to see and spend time with the McDonald clan. Juniper had a ball and being in the mountains felt great.


-Backpacking in the northern Wind River Range with James. He is a pro and buys me nice gear which makes my trip oh so much better than what backpacking with my dad looked like in 5th grade-one image comes to mind: my dad almost breaking his back carrying our canvas 50 pound tent into the wilderness.

-Quick movie plug: Went and saw "Adam" at the broadway. Loved it. Go see it soon.

maybe i will get back to all that. but tonight i was putting juniper down and i found myself reading a board book and completely losing it. we were cuddled in bed (note: this is the only time of day june will cuddle, the other 90% of the day is spent going 80miles per hour) reading this little children's story called "You are Special."

basic storyline (although I am sure most people have read this little book):

Wemmicks are little people made out of wood, carved by the woodcarver named Eli. They all are different. They all have boxes of stars and dots. They go around town putting stars and dots on eachother. Stars if they think you are good or talented or beautiful. Dots if they think you don't make the mark. Punchinello has lots of dots. He feels really down about it. He goes to the Woodcarver and is amazed that Eli knows his name and has been waiting for him. Eli then says (NOTE: this is where i started to lose it)

"What they think doesn't matter. All that matters is what I think, and I think you are pretty special." After this, the dots start to fall off and neither the stars or dots will stick.



I've been struggling a bit in a friendship with someone I don't feel safe around any longer and yet I have always placed her opinion of me pretty high up on the ladder. do you know when a conflict in your heart just eats at you a bit? your mind starts to circle around it like a hawk. so tonight when i was reading about little punchinello covered in dots....I felt the same way as punchinello, worried so much about how someone sees me. Tonight almost felt like like I was seeing the banner from God being pulled by the plane reading " sarah.... you can drop this. it doesn't matter. all that matters is how I see you, and you are doing just fine. "

I don't know how this post is coming across. I guess I just felt so grateful that I am loved unconditionally and that I can be reminded from a children's book to drop an unnecessary weight off my shoulders.

As I held juniper in my arms on the way to the crib we said our nightly prayer, and then junie gave me a hug and then looked up into my eyes...and then another hug and then she looked up into my eyes...this happened several times . another gift of unconditional love from one who probably knows more about love at 16 months than I do. or at least she remembers it better than I do sometimes. i doubt it gets any better.